When a sister in Christ takes what belongs to you

Dear Kwame,

I felt betrayed: I felt the rumor around me whenever I got to church. What are these people talking about? What do they think of me? I wished I could know all that was running through their minds so that I could at least explain. To date, I really don’t know what I did wrong and your words, “You did me no wrong Efya. I love you but I can’t leave her,” hit me hard those times.

I had a crush on you the first time we met in the church so when you came forward to propose to me, I must say my joy knew no bounds. Who wouldn’t want to say yes? So I said yes and always said yes to a wonderful future.

A new broom sweeps well, they say. Our relationship started on a good note. Our night walks after church programs with our hands tied together could not easily be forgotten. The numerous visits to the park and talk about the future were amazing. How loving and affectionate it was whenever you took unaware pictures of me with those romantic captions. I felt loved. That’s is the dream of almost every lady and you did that perfectly. We promised each other a life full of happiness.

I admit my imperfections so I was conscious not to lord over you in any way. I gave you the respect a man deserves and would immediately apologize whenever I went wrong. When I got a permanent job, I worked things out with some people I knew so you too could get a job. You have a stable job now and I’m glad I could help. At least, I left a mark you would remember me for.

I think I loved and cherished you so much that I didn’t even realize when the other lady came into the picture. I had seen her post your pictures severally on her status and I thought she was just being friendly since we all fellowshipped in the same church.

You could have saved me from humiliation if you had gone for someone outside; not a lady I knew. Not someone I fellowshipped with in the same church. It was heart-wrenching to see you both together each time I was in church. I deserved better than that act of gross disrespect for me.

When I saw pictures of you both in your room, your hangouts together holding hands and hugging intimately, they were enough grounds for me to start asking questions. She was bold enough to tell members of the church you guys were even dating. I thought I had you all to myself.

Stupid me!! I believed your lies; “She is the one being all over me.” “I have nothing doing with her,” You always defended yourself when I brought the topic of you and her. For a moment I believed the lady had bewitched you when you pretended you didn’t enjoy the turn of events. How is that even possible when I see the happiness around you both in the pictures she posts? I was willing to forgive and allow you back into my life. I couldn’t allow any strange lady to take you from me. I was hopeful and broken-hearted at the same time.

It is painful to see your ex going out with another lady in the same church. The pain takes away your mind from the church activities every Sunday but there is always a point where we turn away from our pain. I have come to that point and I thank God the pain didn’t last forever.

I have grudgingly moved on and thank God my job took me somewhere else so I was spared the trauma of having to endure the pain of seeing you both together each time I come to church. I prayed for God to heal my heart and help me forgive you, though painful, I have forgiven you wholeheartedly. I hold no grudges against you two. I wish you both all the best.

—Efya